Educational Rant-Change

After a fulfilling summer break, I am back and ready!  This is the first year in my many years of teaching that I have felt this way. I find it amusing because last year was so hard for me I expected to be dreading the first day of school.  But I am not.  I am excited and motivated, and it is because I have a fresh start.

I took the time the time this summer to escape.  I escaped my work and my responsibilities.  But I did reflect often.  I met with and talked with other teachers.  I looked at new ways of doing things in my classroom.  I read my posts from last year.  And I saw a theme.  No one else may see the theme, but I what I saw was that I knew something had to change.

Let me talk about change.  Change is a big one.  I am not good at handling change.  But I love change.  I am all for it.  I am the first one to say “Yeah!  Let’s try that!”  But once I embark on the process it gets messy.  I flounder, and I flail.  I resist at the same time I push on.  Me, being a lover of change, suck at the process.

So, when I went to my principal and talked to her about the change I wanted to implement in my class I had to attach a disclaimer- it won’t be pretty.  Luckily, she gets it.  And lucky for me, she is on board.  Lucky for my school, she wants to implement change too.    She wants us to think outside the box, to try new things, to approach teaching from a different angle and do something different.

There is a reason for this desire to shake things up.  My school is a failing school.  But, my students are not the reason.  Well, maybe to a degree, but they have no say in what they get when they walk in the door.  And if we keep doing the same thing with the same result- what’s that called?  Oh yeah, insanity.

The one thing I have on my side with my messy sloppy going through change skills is I am not afraid.  Change is scary.  I can handle scary.  So, I push on.

I took the time to reflect on my year.  I reflected throughout the year, but it helps to take a step back and run off to California or Wyoming and climb hard and play hard.  It pays to escape from the face of education, although it never escapes me.  So, I thought about who I teach.  I thought my students and the kind of people they are.  I thought about their strengths and weaknesses.  I thought about what they need from a school and what they do not need.  Then I thought about how I fit in.  I looked around the internet for other like-minded teachers in my subject area and found a wealth of ideas and support.   I read.  I asked. I spoke.  I got answers.  I got ideas.  I have a plan.  It’s a plan for change.  It’s scary.  It will get messy. IT won’t be pretty.  But if I don’t try, what am I doing?  Nothing.  Repeating the same old teaching style that isn’t working.  I am creating insanity.

Now, some may look at my classroom and think I have lost my mind.  Some may walk in and see crazy in the process.  But I am ok with that.  I am so ready to move my teaching in a new direction.  I am ready to face the fear of failure.  I am ready to jump in and do something different.  And why?  Because my students need to be in a place that stimulates them. That pushes them outside their comfort zone.  That keeps them thinking and wondering. They need to learn curiosity.

Last year I wrote a piece called Tears.  I was about how I cried for my hard job.  I cried because I wanted to be in a place where what I do is meaningful and that where my students come, each day is meaningful to them.  I am one teacher of many, but it is a beginning.  I can try to provide a new experience.  I am making a place for my students that they will find to be energizing and fun and challenging and comfortable as well as uncomfortable.

My principal is on the same page.   As a staff, we spent two and half days looking at where we are and what we need to do differently.  We are all going to try new approaches.  For some, this will be hard, and for others, it will be less hard.  For all of us, it will be scary.  Some of us will handle it well and ride through the bumps with dignity and grace.  For myself, I know there will be none of that.  I know I will have melt downs and I will have chaos.  But I also know I will learn and grow as a teacher.  That I will figure it out and I will tweak things as necessary.  I know in the end I will find the result I need for myself and my students.

Why am I willing to do this, to go to this scary place of mayhem and potential disaster?  Because I know change is needed for success.  I also know I have support. I have the support of my colleagues and my administration.  For years I have wanted to jump outside of the box.  For ten years I have mulled over how to bring a new approach to my teaching.  So, I asked myself, why am I willing to take this risk now?  I am sure there are a lot of reasons.  I am a risk-taking junkie.  I love trying new things.  I know in my heart I have to try something new or I will hate my job.  But I think the main reason I am so ready is that I know I have people that will help me and support me.  This is the first school I have taught in where I have that, where I have what I need to fearfully make a change.

I am excited.  I am scared.  I am energized.  For the first time in ages, I am looking forward to a hard long school year. Now, come back in a month and see if I still feel this way!