Educational Rant- Trophies

My youngest son played t-ball a couple of years ago.  He didn’t really play. He kept the dugout safe though.  He made sure the dugout bench was warm by laying on it. He kept track of the equipment too.  When asked to go out to the field to play, he refused because it was too cold. I am not even sure if he went up to bat.  He probably did, because that is the fun part. He sat on the ground when he was at the base. He was a horrible t-ball player.  But, regardless of his complete lack of participation, he got a trophy at the end of the season. It was a cute little bobble-head thing.  He liked his trophy. I hated his trophy. I felt like he got rewarded for doing nothing. I wondered what message he received in getting that trophy.   Think it over.

My oldest son played everything when he was a kid.  I have a large box of medals, trophies, and ribbons. Today, he could care less about those medals and trophies and ribbons.  He doesn’t display them proudly. In fact, he probably doesn’t even know they are in a big box in the shed. The first few years I thought the trophies were cool.  Aw, my little gut got a trophy! How cool! Then as time went on I realized that some trophies meant more than others. Like the one he won when he was 6 for top backstroke in the state of Maine.  That meant something. It meant he won. It meant he worked hard. Swimming is good like that. You get something because you work hard and you place. Chess is like too. There is a winner and a loser- the winners win trophies.  Some are really big. If you want the really big ones you have to practice, practice, practice and you have to win win win. You have to use your brain too.

Back to the oldest kid.  He played elementary school basketball.  I remember one end-of-season fiesta in particular.  The coach had trophies for the kids. But as he called each kid up to receive their trophy he explained why they were getting the trophy.  Each was individual- it could have been because that kid was exceptional at blocking. Another was the best shooter, someone else made the most free-throws and that other kid improved the most.  I felt that although each boy got a trophy, he knew why he was getting it. I liked that.

I am not against rewards and trophies.   I just think they should have value. My second grader played basketball last year and when asked if I wanted to chip in for a reward for the kids I declined.  I am sure I must have seemed like an uncaring, meany mom, but I just have reached my limit. My son played OK. He didn’t go to all practices nor did he attend all games.  He sometimes played hard and other times he goofed off. He tried sometimes, but not always. He did have fun. He did not do anything amazing. I feel that if rewards were given for doing something amazing then maybe kids might value them more and feel real pride.  That’s it. Pride. My 0ldest son walked away with all these trophies and after a couple of years, he ceased to feel pride in his trophy. It was just another thing he got. It stopped being special because he realized everyone got one and he didn’t have to do anything amazing to get it.  Last year he played Rugby. He got a Rookie of the Year award. He felt he earned it. He felt pride. I was proud too. It was deserved.

This year, when trophy time comes, I will once again say no, unless he does something amazing.  I will help him deal with his disappointment if he sees other kids getting awards. I will help him understand that hard work gets you the reward.  He will be upset, but he will someday understand that if you want something you must work hard for it. The end.